Bishop Bloggy

Whether the changes are quicker or slower than when Bob Dylan warned us, as I am concerned the ‘job’ has changed.

30 years ago when Ann, Peter and I re-located from the UK to Jávea, the tourist season began mid-June and ended mid September. Of course people die (and are born) throughout the year. The wedding season was similar to the tourist season.

Without noticing that change, I find I am now officiating at ceremonies (Civil Weddings, Blessings and Renewal of Vows) between April and the end of October. Weddings are becoming MUCH MORE  popular than 30 years ago, when there were few English-speaking young families.

If one of the couples meets Spain’s Residency (2 years on the Padron) rules I can officiate at a Civil Wedding, authorised by FEREDE and the Ministry of Justice. Even so, looking at the cost, it MAY be cheaper to complete your paperwork in the UK, Gibraltar, or other country where you live, and then have me conduct a Ceremony which LOOKS LIKE a a Spanish Wedding, and ignore the fact that the paperwork was submitted elsewhere. This is our speciality. Your guests will be unaware that the service at which I officiate (if a blessing) is cosmetic with the ‘legal’ paperwork undertaken elsewhere.

Each year I am booked for more ceremonies and I have noticed an increase in the length of season of our son’s  ‘CostaBlancaHogs.com’ business where a pork stuffed roll would be even more welcome on an Autumn of Spring  = day than in the humidity of the height of Summer. He also offers a range of other meats, salads and vegan options. Our family work to make your SPANISH WEDDING DAY one that everyone will remember.

A higher number of couples getting ‘married’ are no longer young, (but just as much in love), and see the Legal and Tax advantages of being married as a way of preventing Hacienda from seeing them as a reason to justify their next % pay increase.

We are NOT wedding planners but have learned  much during 30 years in Spain of meeting the Ceremonial needs of couples and offering an alternative and informal way of completing the day with unbelievable food, Photographer or DJ to complete their DIVINE WEDDING DAY.

If you have unanswered questions – ASK US. – we’re unbiased.

When I was born everyone knew their place as the John Cleese and Two Ronnies reminded us.

Barker: “I look up to him [Cleese] because he is upper class, but I look down on him [Corbett] because he is lower class”.

Corbett: “I know my place”.

It was the privilege of the wife to stay at home, look after the nippers, keep the place clean and have a meal on the table when the husband/father came home at night. “Living Over the Brush” did not assist one, too much, and most we able to disguise that they had never married, by wearing a wedding (curtain) ring from Woolworth. The man’s job was being the Provider.

The war caused many changes. Men that went to fight and never came home and boys who went to fight but came back as men – often bruised and hardened by battle. Women took on factory work, assembling planes, packing parachutes and making steel.

Feminism had taken on a different meaning – no longer a description of good looks, dress sense, sewing skills and making the home look more beautiful. Women were doing jobs formerly performed by their fathers or menfolk. Somewhere along the line OBEY was dropped from the marriage vow of the Bride with the concept that both were equals and would solve problems amicably.

In more than 20 years of officiating at weddings in Spain, I have NEVER some across (or perhaps there was one?) Bride who wanted to promise to obey.

Marriage ceremonies in 2015 are much more liberal although their must be vows and promises and Articles 66-68 of the Spanish Civil Code must be read and translated if the couple are not Spanish. Couples are encouraged to compile their own personal vow, although there are many suggestions at <www.divineservices.org/choose-vows> from which to select but VERY occasionally a couple will each write their own vow (the Groom asking his Bride to be his wife) and the Bride accepting. To personalise the ceremony for themselves, some couples keep their vows secret from the other, sending the only to me for approval.

At a ceremony earlier this week, I could scarcely believe my ears as I heard the Groom ask his Bride “I promise not to keep score, even if I am totally winning.  I vow to love you, honour you, obey you and most important, I vow to watch rugby league with you, till death do us part. I have seen the best of you, the worst of you and I choose both. ”

I always say – but he had never heard – “The secret of a long and happy marriage is to do what your wife tells you”.

I wasn’t around when UK Prime Minister Neville Chamberlain held the piece of white paper in his hand as he left an aeroplane on 30th September 1938 (pretty close to the day of my conception), shouting “Peace for our time” but I was present as a Guest of Honour at Madrid’s Central Synagogue on 23rd June. The occasion was one to which the Synagogue was open to Jew and Gentile alike, and women were not banned to the upper gallery as observers (unless they felt happier following their usual Shabat custom) but one of solidarity, the like of which I never thought I would live to see – let alone be present to hear. It was only 16th June when we received the invitation, and my first thought was to drive there – but Ann says I am too old to cope with fast-moving Madrid traffic and multi-lane roundabouts. Second choice was the AVE fast train from Valencia, leaving the car at Xerasco and using the train to Valencia, but we would need to change stations in Valencia. Too many things to go wrong! When I checked the AVE price I was shocked at the expense of a quick 100 minute journey, so Ann awoke at 5 in the morning and checked on the price by ALSA Autobus. We’d sit in seats 33 and 34 and watch the countryside pass us by. The price was 104€ TOTAL for BOTH of us BOTH ways. We parked about 150m from the bus station in Denia and caught the bus at 9.30am. We were in Madrid soon after 4.30, via Calpe, Benidorm, Alicante and Albacete. A taxi took us from Madrid Sur bus station to Trafalgar Hotel, and Ann went on her usual ‘reccy’ to find the nearest supermarket and the best route to the Synagogue in Calle Balmes. Security in the area around the Synagogue was frightening, with National Police in black uniform, sniffer dogs checking every parked or approaching car, and shadowy figures holding Kalashnicov assault rifles at the ‘ready’. Even asking about the venue seemed as suspicious as planting an explosive device, and Ann was told the meeting was in a rear hall. When it was time to leave for the Synagogue, as I stepped out from the entrance hall of Trafalgar Hotel into a strong breeze, there was a huge flash of lightning, thunder clap to match – as if God had struck the Synagogue, and ‘stair-rods’ of rain dropped from the sky. Was this really, ‘Showers of Blessing’? We waited for 10 minutes and I hailed a taxi. I had all my ‘vestments’ in a large suitcase and the driver made no effort to get wet by helping, so Ann opened the front passenger door and plonked the suitcase on the seat. The driver would break the law if he drove like that, so dragged out the suitcase – as Ann and I sat (in the dry – Ann had packed a ‘Poppy Brolly) in the back seat – and put it in the boot, looking like a drowned rate when he returned. The driver knew where Calle Balmes was (200m away) but everytime he came close he was hampered by a NO ENTRY sign. Even I could see that he was ‘lost’ when he took me past the Erotique Massage Salon for the third time. His Satnav took us to the Synagogue, but his insistance that he knew best, cost us 15€. We had to show ID and that our names were on the list of Invitees (lots of fun in the pelting rain trying to explain why Clive does not begin with a C, but with an A for Archbishop. “You can go in but your case goes through that other door” but it contained my ‘fancy dress’ so a Conscierge opened it and punched the content with his fist (had I been a terrorist he’d have been ‘armless’) and I was told to ‘change’ in the toilets. I did, and left the case beneath the washbasin. Returning two hours later my suitcase had provoked its own bomb alert, and had been placed in a bomb-proof cupboard. Only around 50% of the allocated seats were occupied, less intrepid travellers being put-off by the ‘monsoon’. Many people I thought I’d meet again, like Mariano Blasco the Secretary of FEREDE, and Bishop Carlos from the Reformed Episcopal Church in Madrid (keeping a doctor’s appointment) were absent but we were escorted to seats, bearing our names. Many of the speeches were predictable, but the video presentation was supported by sub-titles in Spanish. I was watching and hearing TV reporters talking of Christian persecution (to Jews? – come on, non Messianic Jews don’t even revere Jesus) and I heard the request for Jews to unite in protecting Christians. It was unbelievable. One speaker summed it up so simply “Who knows more about persecution for their faith, than we Jews, who lost six million of our number in the Holocaust?” When God (Genesis 12:20) gave Israel to the descendent of Abram’s first legitimate son, He made provision (by designating the land between the Nile and Euphraties rivers) Saudi Arabia, Iraq and Iran to the descendents of Ishmael, his first (but illegitimate son  to his wife’s chambermaid).

Left to Right: Rav Yersahmiel Barylka of the Rambam de la Moraleja Synagogue, Javier Cremades, Primate Archbishop Clive of the Anglican Independent Commnion – Worldwide, Padre Gabriel Nadaf Greek Orthodox Priest from Israel, David Hatchwell, President of the Jewish Community in Madrid, Monseñor Carlos Osoro Sierra, Roman Catholic Archbishop of Madrd, Mayte Rodriguez, from the Centre of Judeo/Christian Studies, Ignacio Cosidó Gutierrez, and Raad Salam Naaman, Professor of Theology and expert on Islam.

Most of the ceremonies in which I am involved are in the Northern part of Spain’s Costa Blanca (Marina Alta) but I have travelled by motorway to Valencia to officiate in a commitment ceremony for a Security Adviser from Iraq and his girlfriend from Houston, Tx.  On another occasion for a couple of New York Police Officers, and it is not unusual to have couples, their family and friends fly in for me to provide a service that meets their requirements. I must admit to feeling surprised when a couple from the Jewish faith wanted me to not only make their wedding day memorable for them, but for me as well, as I needed to ensure I did not refer to Jesus.

Recently I had two weddings in three days so decided not to return to Jávea after the first wedding at Finestrat (a charming and unspoiled venue just inland from Benidorm) at The Mountain Retreat venue I had come across a couple of years earlier at a Benidorm Wedding Fayre. The couple and their guests seemed unconcerned by the heat and humidity, but I turned down their invitation to stay for something to eat and drink  (after the ceremony and signing of the documents) and we slipped quietly away in the comfort of my air-conditioned Fiat on the 2 hour (200 Kilometre) trip South to Totana in the Province of Murcia.

The Hotel Ann had chosen (with the widest bed I can remember seeing), was the Executive Sport, situated on the edge of an industrial zone, with adjacent access to the Motorway.  They were preparing for a wedding on the Saturday, as was a Salon de Comuniones less than 80 metres  away, next to which there was a bowling alley. We decided – as always, when we have time – to go and find the Monasteria de la Santa Eulalia – but were unprepared fir the shock we received. We knew all the 145 rooms were booked, but hadn’t been prepared for the beauty and location.The Verger invited us to view the Chapel, an enormous place, heavily gold encrusted, and allowed us to see private areas, including the room where the dresses were hanging for the following days four wedding ceremonies. The wedding I was taking could not be inside the Chapel, like the other three taking place on the Saturday, but would be in the grounds, on a plaza area, as the couple were not Roman Catholics.

It wasn’t until earlier in the week that I’d been told the ceremony was booked for 7.30pm, after which I still had to face the motorway journey back to Javea. I’d officiated at another wedding in Santa Eulalia on Ibiza, so I was prompted to discover some history of Santa Eulalia, apparently one of the best known of the Roman Catholic Saints. Portuguese by birth, she had accepted Jesus – the Son of God – as her own personal Saviour, and failed to keep quiet about it. She was only 13 years of age when it was demanded of her that she renounce faith in Jesus and return to the Roman Catholic Church, but she refused, earning herself all manner of torture, including having her hair set alight, resulting in her dying of smoke inhalation.  It is claimed God sent a white dove to carry her soul to eternity. How could such a beautiful and idyllic setting hide such wickedness?

But back to my couple and their ‘Plaza wedding’. The principal men (Groom, Best Man and Ushers) all wore vivid blue suits and red ties. The Bride arrived on the arm of her father – who had a speaking part when I asked him who brought his daughter to share the rest of her days with her new husband, and responded “I do” – and went back to his reserved seat.

The ceremony – as always – went according to plan, documents were signed and witnessed – then stamped with my official seal – and the Bridal party exited and stood on the left of the wide staircase to the lower plaza and church, to form a reception line and receive the envelopes and congratulations of their guests. There had been a musical background from the other three weddings – all in different stages of celebration – throughout our ceremony, but as guests arrived at the bottom of the stairs, there was the unmistakable sound of a Mariachi group, and I wondered if it had been booked by ‘my couple’ or by one of the others. There were two options: one to moan that their day had been spoiled, and the other was to go with the flow and enjoy a united evening involving 4 brides and hundreds of guests.

With a long drive home, we left by the side entrance. For lunch we had stopped at a roadside café where I had the most delicious solomillo steak I´d ever tasted. As we drove home – guess what – their carpark was full of cars and they were hosting another wedding reception. That was 7 we’d seen in 24 hours.

We never intentionally make poor decisions, but sometimes our decisions could be better. As far as Best Man or Bridesmaids are concerned there are often too many contenders and it is heart-rending to make a decision. It is becoming far more prevalent these days to have TWO Best Men and as many Bridesmaids as your budget can afford to dress!

Most Brides seek the advice of a wedding planner, who shows them a choice of venue, but BEWARE of the Banqueting Manager who takes you to one side and says something like “Don’t bother with a wedding planner, I will do it all for you and there is no charge.” What lovely sentiments! BUT if they are going to suggest cutting corners to save money on the Wedding Planner, what other corners will they cut that you won’t know about, to create a more profit for their department? Oh, and by the way, who is there to check on the Banqueting Manager? I work very closely with a local wedding who treats every Bride as if she were her only daughter, but I also respond to couples who are planning something smaller, possibly at the British Church in Torre Principado, Bendorm, or one of the many hotels.

Getting married is a ‘ONE OFF’ – it’s not an occasion where you collect good ideas for next time!

I’ve learned loads of lessons (and tips I’ll freely give you) in the 15 or so years I’ve been officiating at Civil Weddings in Spain (for those meeting the residency requirements) as well as Wedding Blessings where all your guest will believe they have attended your civil wedding in Spain – set against a church backdrop. Often couples want to LIMIT the CHURCHINESS in a wedding ceremony, and I would not include hymns or psalms without a specific request, but my focus has to be split between what the couple think they would like, and what their guests expect,

I’d never want to hear guests, after the ceremony was over, commenting “Well that wasn’t worth flying in from overseas for, was it?”

Send any questions you have to me at clive@cliveread.com  THANK YOU for considering DIVINE SERVICE for your SPANISH WEDDING DAY.

And, before you ask, Ann and I have been married almost 55 year – in the days before ordinary people had Wedding Planners – and the Young People’s Fellowship Ann attended (we married in her church where we’d met 10 months earlier) did all the catering as their contribution to our wonderful day. Ann’s Sunday School teacher provided the wedding car – and I was late for my own wedding, The husband of a girl Ann worked with took the photos and we travelled by motorbike to Pagham for our 4-day honeymoon.